"Ah. Kiyoshi, It's A Mercy You Return Alive."
Sunako Matsuo (11 years old then)
When the "All clear" was sounded, I, a tomboy, ran out of the air raid shelter and looked for a rope at the back of my house to make a swing.
Mother was there. She said, "Well, I’m going to work in the field. I want you to take care of the house and hull rice." Mother when off to the field without saying anything more.
That was the last time I saw her alive and well. I began to hull rice discontentedly. "One, two, three....twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four...." counting as I worked. At the moment I counted "fifty-one" there was a lightning-like flash. My house thundered down around me and I was buried under the ruins. "Help! Help I’m buried!" I cried and cried, but no one came to help me. "Why is no one coming?" I thought. It had been planned that if anyone was burled by a bombing, their neighbors would dig them out, and we had practiced this many times, Finally my aunt heard me calling and came to dig me out. When I emerged from the wreckage, I was shocked.
Everything on the earth was dead. Then I understood why no one had come to help me. Not only my house but every house was destroyed. There was not a standing house of any sort within sight. Oh! my mother, sister and brother — where were they? It was terrible that there was nothing moving on the ground. The sky was full of dark and eerie clouds. Seeing that, I was suddenly afraid. I ran to the air raid shelter, crying desperately for help. My house was collapsed in front of the air raid shelter, and it began to burn. Because the fire came into the air raid shelter, I couldn't stay there. Rushing out of there, I ran to another shelter. My house burned and burned. After sunset it was still burning. And all through the night it burned. I couldn’t put out the fire or carry away anything. I could only sit like a fool in the air raid shelter and watch my house burning.
Morning came. The fire went out because there was nothing to burn any more. The next day Mother died. One after another many people died I spent the day with my grandfather, aunt, big sister, little sister, and brother dispiritedly sitting in the air raid shelter. It was miserable. We got wet when it rained; we were blown by the wind when it blew.
When the typhoon season came, we couldn't live in the air raid shelter. Grandfather, little sister and I were sick with radiation disease. A man in the neighborhood took pity on us and made us a hut. We were glad to move in. The hut was so small that my grandfather's head touched the roof. At night we slept very crowded. Sad things happened all around us. The loneliness became deeper day by day. We hoped only that Father, who had been drafted into the war, would come back. We wished he would come back soon. We thought only about Father's return. I didn't want to think about anything else.
Trains passed by hut many times. Whenever a train passed I rushed out from my bed and watched the train windows passing by. At the windows there were always many men’s faces looking out. There were looking at the area burnt by the A-bomb. There were also many faces that we were longing for. In my neighborhood fathers returned from ware one by one. I was very envious that my friends walked with their fathers.
Grandfather's radiation disease became more and more serious. "Kiyoshi, your father, will come back soon," grandfather said over and over. At night he also talked in his sleep, "I wish Kiyoshi would come back soon". When his disease became more serious he said it over and over again as if he were delirious. I will never forget the event. It was at night. After we were in bed, someone was calling us. At first I didn't know what he was calling. He was looking here and there and calling out. It appeared he was looking for someone.
I was startled, and at once I went out of the hut. It was a blue moonlit night. There he was standing a soldier carrying a rucksack on his back. The moon at his back. I couldn't see his face but knew who he was. My face was in the moonlight. "Oh!" He couldn't say any more. He stretched out his hands. "Grandfather, it's father....," I could only say after a little while. "Ah! Ah!" There are some voices in the hut. Grandfather rushed out barefoot. My aunt also rushed out barefoot.
In the moonlight none of us could talk well. At last grandfather said, "Ah, Kiyoshi, it's a mercy you return alive. I'm much relieved by your return." Father was shocked when he heard his father say this. He hesitated, then he looked at me and asked, "Sunako, where is your mother?" I looked down and bit my lip, tightening my jaw.
"What's the matter, Sunako?" he asked me once more. I could not help crying, holding my aunt. She began to cry hard, too. Then I heard him groan, "I see what has happened." Soon after grandfather said formally, "Kiyoshi, I have a favor to ask of you. Please get along well with your sister. This is all money that I have. I'll give it to you. Here." He handed a package to my father. Grandfather didn't say any more. He seemed to be in great pain. Father took the package very thoughtfully. Then he looked around at the burnt-out house grounds. In the moonlight it looked beautiful. Looking up at the sky, Father was lost in thought. After a while, he said, "The moonlight is very bright and calm; we will live brightly and calmly like the moonlight."
My aunt went back into the hut holding grandfather. I took my father's hands and brought him into the hut. The moonlight shone in brightly and calmly from the door.
Grandfather's disease got more and more serious. A few days after Father's return, Grandfather said, "Kiyoshi, now the hut is too small to sleep in. I want you to build a house where I can sleep more comfortably." Gathering poles and wood, Father began to build a house. Lying in his bed, Grandfather watched and smiled. In three days a shack, my new house, was built. But there was no tile on the roof and no mats the floor. So Father went to another town to look for corrugated roofing. During his absence Grandfather's disease became suddenly worse and he died.